Eras(her)

Loyalty -noun- the state or quality of being loyal; faithfulness to commitments or obligations

Sometimes I think Im a slow learner... even though obviously I'm not, it seems that somethings I just don't caught on to.

I took 40 minutes out yesterday to delete all the pseudo-friends I have kept in my life. I deleted about 70 people surprisingly. Home numbers, cell numbers, addressed, emails... all gone. And I don't answer number I don't know... and I won't...

I realized through a very small selfish event by someone I would have called a very very close friend, that I have made a huge mistake keeping a lot of people close to me that I really shouldn't. When I'm hurt and frustrated because these people that I care so much for and I would anything for show me over and over and over again they really don't care about me, do they know it? NOPE. When I have sleepiness nights and cry because no one is there for me like I am there for them, do they even know? NOPE... So why keep them in my life? ... see I told you I was a little slow when it comes to this.... Unfortuatly I've been doing this shit for years....

I had a "friend" that I would do ANYTHING for and time and time she has failed me. She has never really been there for me when I am honest without myself and think about it. Its always been about her... Its actually kinda of sad... I would and have done anything she asked of me but I have never had that loyalty returned.

I had a "friend" who pretty much stole from me and smiles in my face about it. I let her borrow $200 and have yet to be paid back. But swears up and down she has ever intention of paying me back...while she goes to clubs, parties, Las Vegas etc getting tattoos and piercings but hasn't even handed me $20 toward my money back. But I took her phone calls and texts...

And wow... I have an ex.. who was a "friend" who has not gotten over me and uses everything she can as an excuse to stay in my life. When she's sick she calls me, when she's in the hospital she calls me... even uses my children as an excuse... but I can't even let her have my cellphone number because she can't help herself texting and calling harassing me about why we can't be together... well this one I can't say I was slow about because well... thats why she doesn't have my number...

I know its cliche to say you're going to make changes for the New Year but this is something I need to do. I refuse to allow people in my life that don't give back the love, friendship, devotion and loyalty that I have given them. It seriously bothers me that I have allowed myself to be taken advantage of for all these years just to keep the people that I loved close to me and blindly believing they loved me too...

And no... I didn't do this as a silent tantrum to get the attention of those that know they have wronged me or even the ones that don't think they did... I did this for me... I will not fuss and argue with those that I realized that haven't been there for me... whats the point? Nothing will change. These are people that I should have let go years ago and I just didn't... honestly its more my fault than theirs...

I've probably said this phase a thousand times this year but I think I have never meant it so strongly as I do today... "I'm done..."

My Se7en

So...

Almost a year ago I wrote about the Seven Deadly Sins and how two of them apply to me...

See... Se7en

Anyway... I have become very committed to my "sins" and have displayed them for all the world to see the best way I knew how.. TATTOO!

Wow.. 72 years!

The First Black Disney Princess!





It took 72 years from the first Disney movie involving a princess to have a African American Princess BUT it was well worth the wait!




The movie opened December 11, 2009 and I took my daughter and my son to see it. It was packed and I had to end up purchasing tickets online because the first 5 shows were sold out. After we got into the theater there I noticed there were a lot of parent with kids... but there was also grown women alone or in groups waiting to see the movie.

The movie started and I will admit to you (but don't tell anyone) I fell in love with Tiana! I was afraid that there would be ridiculous stereotypes and by the end of the movie I would be disappointed that I even came but it was completely the opposite!!

She is so adorable with her little dimples and modest personality. She was raised with a family with both hardworking parents and was taught to work HARD for all the things she wants in life. But the best part was when I looked over at my daughters face and her eyes were lite up and she had a HUGE smile on her face. She was in love with Tiana too!





If you havent seen The Princess and The Frog, what are you waiting for?


The art and creativity in this movie was the best of Disney quality and you will fall in love with it just like everyone fell for The Lion King!

Listed²

tis the season to start listing...again...





Whizz through the magic of the Enchanted Microcosmos with Erika, the little fairy who smiles and glitters in multi-coloured crystal. Her wings display pink to fuchsia-coloured crystals set in Pointiage®. The inner side displays lilac epoxy.

Article no.: 1024554
Size: 27 9/16 / 1 x 1 3/8 inch
Price: $260.00
www.swarovski.com/







Heartless Dress

From the video by Kanye West... ever since I saw the dress in the video I've wanted it...
Price: Unknown





EasyTone Inspire

Using built-in balance pods to create instability, the EasyTone Go Outside encourages toning in 3 key areas of the leg: the hamstrings, gluteus maximum, and calves.
The slight instability created by the balance pods forces your muscles to work a little harder, toning your leg muscles while you walk.
EasyTone increases muscle activation up to 28% more in your gluteus maximus, 11% in your hamstrings, and 11% in your calves.
Price: $98.98
www.reebok.com




Amazon Gift Card

... I mean what CAN'T you buy on Amazon.com??
Price: $50
www.amazon.com





VW CC

• Chrome grille slats
• Halogen reflector lens fog lights
• Frameless windows and doors
• Electronic Stabilization Program (ESP^®)
• Exterior Signal Mirrors
• Tire Pressure Monitoring System (TPMS)

• Nappa leather seating surfaces with Vavona Wood interior trim
• Heatable front seats
• 12-way power seat
• Four passenger sport seating

Price: $ 32,900

..

..A Diva can dream... can't I...


"Diva" - Beyonce

Through "Our" Eyes

From the author of A Clockwork Orange, Anthony Burgess created a world unlike we have ever seen. It seems simple but no one has ever inked on paper.

Due to overpopulation the world is faced with a world starvation, burden soil, and a land without enemies...where official family limitation glorifies homosexuality.. where promotions where handed to the "most gay" of the employees...

I enjoyed this novel so much that I read it twice and referred it to a few of my friends that also enjoyed the read.

Check it out ---> http://tinyurl.com/wantingseed

Damaged Fruit

"We are who we choose to be...I’m responsible for me" - Floetry

Choosing a partner is like shopping at the grocery for fruit. Everyone wants the perfectly ripe, pretty skinned pickin' with no bruises or soft spots and a very sweet inside.

Some of us spend a while looking over the fruit on display, picking it up... smelling it... looking for unwanted bruises until we find exactly what we think we want.

Some of us pick at random and hope for the best. I was one of those people that tried and balance the good with the bad. I may pick up a nice juicy peach thats ripe and looks soooo sweet but it may have a bruise or two.. but I figured if its that bad I'll eat around it and throw the bad part away. I figured I was getting more sweet juiciness than bruised and damaged so I still win... right???

With a person, you cant just eat around the bad part like you can a piece of fruit and throw it away... it will never go away. When you meet someone that has been damaged by the past regardless of if its relationships, childhood, trama, etc. it will ALWAYS be a part of that person.

I loved once... regardless of her faults or failures I loved her... but she was damaged.

I wanted so bad to be the things that had been missing in her life and show her everything that I was but she was damaged. I shared by life, love and family with her but she was damaged. No matter how far I thought we got, nothing mattered because she was so damaged. Damaged by family, lust, love & life... and honestly I cant blame all of this on her.. I did know what I was dealing with and I still tried to eat around the bruises and the soft spots but at the end I couldn't throw the rest away... once all the sweet juicy ripe flesh was gone all I was left with was the pieces no one wanted.. including her ... there was no fixing what was already damaged... and left with nothing more than that it started to slowly damage me... You know "they" say "One spoiled Apple spoils the bunch"..

I should have taking in all of her... the good and the bad but we both left some of the bad out... through lack of communication, acceptance and loyalty, we failed to do what I intended... take the good with the bad... and all we were left with in the end was damaged fruit....

My Spectrum Tweet Contest

I decided to run two contests for my new cosmetic line Spectrum Cosmetics (sp3ctrum.com) on Twitter.com. I'm using the contest to raise awareness for Spectrum Cosmetics and our main cause Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'm giving away 2 $500 Spectrum Cosmetics Gift Certificates.

Here are the rules:


Contest #1 Win $500 Gift Certificate to Spectrum Cosmetics (sp3ctrum.com)
Tweet #sp3ctrum
1. You must follow Spectrum Cosmetics @Sp3ctrumDotCom
2. Tweet our tag #sp3ctrum to enter
3. Contest ends December 31st.
4. Winner will be announced January 10, 2010


Contest #2 5,000th Follower Win $500 Gift Certificate to Spectrum Cosmetics (sp3ctrum.com)
1. You must follow Spectrum Cosmetics @Sp3ctrumDotCom
2. Account must be activate at the time of announcement
3. NO SPAM or Fake accounts will be accepted
4. If 5,000 followers are not reached by December 31st, the contest in void


And yes, it is possible (yet unlikely) for one Tweet to win both!

Good Luck!

If you have any question, please contact us at info@sp3ctrum.com

Lines of her palm

If I could reach up and hold a star for every time you've made me smile, the entire evening sky would be in the palm of my hand.

I know, I know... (2)

I said I would blog more but I've been so busy. When I started Spectrum Cosmetics I didn't realize that it was be as popular as it is so fast. And honestly, its just me. I design the colors. I come up with the names, I built the website, I do the advertisments.. etc etc.. so bare with me please... I'm going to try to write more often.. I promise :)

Smile Jars - Bad Business

I had the worst business experience I have ever had with Smile Jars. If you are in the cosmetic business or you buy empty cosmetic jar DO NOT order from Smile Jar (http://www.smilejars.com) OR Smile World Inc. (smileworld.com). They have the WORST customer service I've ever experienced. NEVER EVER EVER EVER do business with SMILE JARS! You WILL regret it!

I ordered a speciality cosmetic jar from Smile Jars website. The jar stated the minimum order was 250, so I ordered this style jar along with 2 other style jars. I saw the on another site but they wanted an order of 20,000 and I really don't need that much. I ordered, was billed and received the invoice for the order on June 24, 2009. On June 29, 2009 I contacted the company on the status of my order and was informed to go to their website for my order status. I checked my order status and the order stated that it was shipped... So of course I thought everything was great... too bad I was wrong

On July 6, 2009 after not receiving my order I contacted Smile Jars again and was informed that my order was shipped. I asked for more details because I was have not received the order & I was not sent a tracking number. I was transferred to Heather Song who informed me that there was a website error and the minimum order for that style should have been 5000 not 250. How can you have a website error and NOT contact the customer??! I asked why haven't I been sent the other jars or why it says SHIPPED on their website and she stated it was another error on her company's part. I informed Heather Song that was their error and I paid for what was advertised and I would like my order to be sent to me. If you can't provide what you advertise, than don't advertise it! So after arguing with Heather Song for over an hour because of her horrible customer service skills I told her I would just pick other jars and to send them to me ASAP because I've been waiting for over 2 weeks. So I process a replacement order with the credit for the other jars and waited for the jars to be delivered the next day.

I thought the nightmare was over and I just decided after this I would never deal with this company again. But I was sooooo wrong. They had more than website and poor customer service issues. They shipped my order UPS but before it was delivered to me, it was intercepted by UPS security!!! I could not believe it! UPS held my package (and is actually still holding it!) because of an issue they could not tell me about because I was not the shipper... it took 2 days just to find that out! 20 calls and 7 emails later I found out that Smile Jars even had problems SHIPPING. UPS would not tell me why they intercepted the package but they did tell me the issue was directly related to Smile Jars. I was pissed at this point and asked for my $ back... after 2 weeks they NEEDED to give me money and extra $ for dealing with the all this drama. So pretty much... I'm still waiting for my money.

There is really nothing much more I can do. I filed a report with the Better Business Bureau and I'm waiting to hear back. I just hope this blog saves someone or a someone that is buying for a company the frustration of dealing with this unreliable, unprofessional sorry excuse for a company.

Anti-Relationship

So... I know I have been gone for a while... I've been busy working and trying to stay on top. Its been time consuming but I will write more...

So... why is it that every woman I run into "isn't ready for a relationship" but they are like 29+. I feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Its extremely stupid to me that you don't want to be in a relationship BUT you want to kick it, sleep together, go through my text messages, ask me where I'm at, who I'm with, why I'm there etc... I don't know... maybe I'm the one thats trippin.. I just don't want to be that old ass bitch in the club 45 years old single and hitting on all the young girls... smh... I DON'T want to grow up and be jus.. like... her...

... & the month ends...

April was Autism Awareness Month and I wanted to leave this month with some food for thought.... I woke up this morning to a newscast reporting that there are 1,200 known cases of the Swine Flu worldwide. I've noticed that facebook, twitter and myspace is going wild with peoples comments about how scary the Swine Flu is becoming. It is frightening... this is something that we would definitely be aware and concerned about, especially how it effects our children. But... what if the Swine Flu effected over 67 MILLION individuals worldwide (about 1% of the worlds population)... how would people reach then? Would there be mass hysteria? What if more individuals were effected by the Swine Flu than paediatric cancer, diabetes and AIDS combined?! Would people refuse to leave their homes?! What if, it had no cause AND no cure?!

Well... those facts aren't about the Swine Flu BUT they are about individuals effected by Autism! More than 1 in 90 children are diagnosis with Autism. It is a hidden worldwide epidemic. Autism is a brain development disorder characterized by impaired social interaction and communication, and by restricted and repetitive behavior. So many of these children are misunderstood, mocked and most times, misdiagnosed. And... One in 90 of those children is my son 8 year old son Alijah. At 2 1/2 years old my son didn't talk in complete sentences, lined everything up he could get his hands on and didn't even call me Mom. I was a very young girl and didn't know too much about babies let alone what Autism was. I was lucky enough to have a great hospital that pointed me in the right direction. My son was diagnosed at 3 and we were blessed enough to receive speak therapy, specialized education and behavioral services. My son is 8 years old and he is healthy functional child who the doctors diagnosis as "high functioning" He will be able to live on his own, have his own family and have a career one day.

But we were lucky... there are thousands of families that don't know about services available or know how to find the information that can help their children and their families. There are thousand of people that don't know what Autism really is, how its effecting our children and why awareness is so important. Education is key when it comes to this disorder. There are several websites that specialize in Autism education and awareness. If you can Google Lil Wayne's latest lyrics, you can Google Autism. Take 30 seconds our of your day and learn important about a disorder that statistically will effect you directly, someone you love and/or someone you work with. The information is out there. Please be aware of it.

I know, I know...

I have been silent for a while but I have a good excuse... there was A LOT going on.

* Built and launched the Spectrum website

* I got the flu and was floored for a week and a half

* Started an April Promotion for Spectrum Cosmetics. Customers can order up to five samples of my pigments for FREE

* Insomnia started again...

* My 28th birthday came (April 7th) YAY :)

* Hosted my first cosmetic party :) Yay.. it went great!

* My wisdom teeth started coming it... I know.. Im way to old for this... wisdom teeth at 28... INSANE RIGHT?!

... and now I'm here :) I'll try to keep up my blogs, I know Ive been slipping...

Spectrum

I know I've been on hiatus.... I was sick for a couple weeks and very very tired. But I'm back :) As you may know I am coming out with a full color photography book from Skittle Project. (we are accepting model application) I am also launching a cosmetic line :) It should be ready at the end of this month.



I'm starting with eyeshadows, pigments and lip gloss. ..... I'm soooooo excited!!!

"Hot Thang" - Prince

Hello Kitty!

I LOVE IT!!! This is the first time they have ever made a 4 min video with any kind of product launch. It is sooooo sexy; make-up, fashion and pop culture smash together in a cloud of pink lace and black pleather...

P.S. MAC Hello Kitty accessories have been added wish list for my birthday :)

If you want something done right...

My emotions went from heart broken to self-mended in less that 48 hours...

enlightening...

I realized today that one of my major flaws is that I am too loyal and trusting.. those characteristics people always want in a friend or a lover but they are the most unappreciated of them all...

I believe deeply in that belief that people are good and if you give all the things that you want in life, friendship and relationship they will be returned... I know... Golden Rule cliche...

anyway... long story short and even shorter... my day started off despondent... I cried until my cheeks were burning from the salty water and my eyes were crimson like I hadn't slept in 90 hours...

Heartbreak is not just something Kanye shamelessly markets... Heartbreak is bigger and fuller than what can fit on a 3:12 min song...

Fast forwarding because I honestly don't want to dwell on the pain... ... >> so my mother made red velvet cupcakes with my daughter :) I went to the Arden with my brother and his Kappa brother Trey, just to get out the house... and my Sin Twin met us up there :)

I got a cinnabun and I bought the pendant from Swarovski that I wanted for Christmas (on my blog "LISTED") ... and it ended up to be an okay day...



I realized that people are not going to return what you give... regardless how much you really want them to, or you believe that they will... some people will not appreciate you not matter what you do... No matter how loyal you are... No matter how "down" you are for them... sometimes... it just isn't meant to be... so that saying "It's not you, its me" ... isn't always cliche...

So... .. yea.. it really WAS you ... not me ....

Reason #8

It's so crazy because I was just talking to Legend about this same issue... and then I talked to My ST last night about it... I'm talking about "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" ... I guess I never understood the whole policy and I was just curious about it so I started talking about what it really was and what it meant...

Reason #8 Why I Heart Obama...

I got a link from Legend today about a statement released by Obama's spokesperson. Obama will end the 15-year-old "don't ask, don't tell" policy that has prevented homosexual and bisexual men and women from serving openly within the U.S. military...
its so sexy... I can't stand it...

For those that don't know what "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" is may be a little confused right now. Basically, while Clinton was in office there was a lot of hate crimes and "witch hunts" that effected accused homosexuals in the military. Clinton wanted it to be a more tolerate system...

well... it didn't really work out like that... Collin Powell (who had been a soldier for most of his life) was put on the job to make it acceptable for gays to be in the military so how, some way... However, Powell had a very very very hard time finding anyone that was interviewed to agree that it was okay to be gay in the military... not one person... but he did find that people stated if they didn't know the other person was gay, they wouldn't mind and would be okay with it... so after a year or so of research they came up with the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

Today, you are no longer asked or questioned about your sexual orientation BUT if you are openly homosexual or have a domestic partner or anything that can be investigated you will be discharged... so a lot of people including me, feel that it is still discrimination.

Common Moment

I know I'm not the only one that has those moments... You may have a Jill Scott moment... or a Mary J Blige moment or even.. a Wu Tang moment...

..well after the last month or so... I'm having a Common moment...


"We made love and then laughter, and any way I wanted
I could have her"
- Go!


"The scent of a room that reminds me of you
A hint of perfume it reminds me of you
Take a look at the moon it reminds me of you
Hope the stars and the gods align me and you"
- I Want You


"I feel like its home when I'm in between ya thighs
It's the joy, and the pain, and the bites and the brain
What make it feel so good
That type of stuff u cant explain
I do what I do to do to make it rain"
- Punch Drunk Love

"Punch Drunk Love" - Common

... Good Morning

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!


..

... so my New Year Eve started off VERY frustrating.... more like irritating... but thanks to Noelle and some compromising ... it ended well... I met some cool new people and had a great count down :)

It going to be a GREAT year!

The count down has started to HISTORY. 18 more days!!! Peace, Love and Obama!!





Me and my Sin Twin




..yes... there was a club back drop lol



had to do the club pose lol




..good times...




she had to show the boys how it was REALLY done...






... Good Morning... 01/01



"See... your hat does fit me"




I don't think anyone else has had this much fun with 35¢







"Good Morning" - John Legend